lovely 2/14

so last night I stayed up until MIDNIGHT trying to finish this questionnaire that was going around the blog world for Valentine's day. It was questions about how you and your man met, what nicknames you have for each other, your favorite qualities about him etc. etc. It was SO fun to read everyone else's, but by the time midnight rolled around, I STILL couldn't get the pictures to go in the right spots, my laptop battery kept dying and finally the computer froze altogether. So my hour of a hard work on a cute-sy little blog post? Completely wasted.

i think it was a sign. that's not me. Drew and I don't really have nicknames, and I cannot really even remember our first date? is that bad?? :)

that's just so not us.

i'm even gonna go out on a limb here. i am going to be completely SELFISH on a day where we are supposed to focus on those we love.

So yeah. Instead of writing about our first kiss or our engagement, I am going to write about myself.

wanna know why this year has been the best year of me life?

wanna know why THIS Valentine's day has been the best ever?

i am finally starting to love myself.

Yep. It is true. I am the girlfriend/fiance that is using her Valentine blog post to write about herself. :)

I have always been that girl that worked out to lose weight so I can fit into that new dress so I could go to that party and impress so and so. I ate vegetables because I thought they would help me lose weight so I would look better in my bikini at that pool party.

Sometimes I went to church and bible study because those were activities that were on the "list of things to do" if you want to be a good person. The more things I checked off the list, the more likely I was to like myself. That made perfect sense to me.

Since college, I had avoided mirrors. I just HATED looking at myself. Not just the physical part of myself, but I just had such. low. self-esteem. I only got my great job because I was lucky, I only dated the cute boys because I was doing a good job of acting like I had it all together.

I HATED being by myself. Like I would find myself just following my mom around the house just talking to her about randooooooom things. I didn't like the person I was and didn't want to be alone with myself.

now? I actually find myself spending hours in my room, just doing things. BY MYSELF. When I pass a mirror, I don't automatically cringe when I see myself. I don't avoid pictures of myself like I used to, and I have ever started working on saying, "No thanks!" to commitments and not feeling so guilty I want to cry. I work out because it feels good, not because I have to burn at least 356.2 extra calories a day :)

growing up I always heard, "you will never experience real love, until you learn to love yourself"

i thought that was ridiculous. Now? I realize it is SO true. I am FINALLY able to love Drew the way he deserves and accept the love he gives to me :)

i was lucky enough to be able to have this experience WHILE being in a relationship. Others? I dunno. I KNOW this day can just be HEARTBREAKING for single girls who would give anything to have a boyfriend to celebrate with. and I KNOW that eye rolling probably took place. but TRUST me. When you get to that place where you are proud of the person you have become, it's seriously CRAZY what can come from that. :)

so yeah. shout out to Drew for loving me and letting me learn to love myself. :)

can you say #bestgirlfriend ever? he had been talking about how he wanted the new Lebron James basketball shoes. He had NO idea I got them for him :) such a hardworker who TOTALLY deserves them. :)

i LOVE LOVE LOVE pink. I wore lots of pink and red today (obnoxious I know) and just had to smile when I was walking into Starbuck's this morning.

drew got me these pretttyyy flowers :) delivered to my work as a matter of fact ;)It is SO easy to get caught up in the all the negativity in our jobs, in the media (like this morning when the TODAY show was talking about the Sports Illustrated model that made the cover of this years magazine? Talk about your work pants feeling a little snug BEFORE you even eat breakfast. ugh) and even in relationships. We are constantly told and taught that we have to be PERFECT. and I believed it.

Ya know what? When you realize perfection is not the goal, you will be amazed at how everything will fall into place :)

<3 <3

now i'm off to go eat some peanut butter m and m's. valentine colors of course. :) psshhh.. who wants a perfect body anyways? certainely not I. ;)