lest i forget

ya know how when you aren't in that "storm" of life, it's rather easy to tell everyone else, "this too shall pass," and "God knows what he is doing, this will make you stronger?"

when you aren't the one having to turn that deep pain/ heartbreak into some sort of blessing, it seems easy. Don't worry about it, it will all work it.

on the giving end of that, you seem so wise.

on the receiving end? i might want to punch you in the face (just kidding but you know what I mean.)

i've sure noticed this. it's pretty darn easy to say that to a friend who is going through something tough, but to actually BELIEVE it with every fiber of your heart is a different thing.

i have been blasting my car radio sunroof down, aviator sunglasses on, sun shining listening to lyrics like that.

yes, yes, yes! loving life. bring it on.


lately... not so much.

i think it all kind of came to a halt on Tuesday. I was planning tennis with my dad (who is just back from his knee surgery) and i just wasn't having it. I was tired, feeling like I had absolutely NO energy to go cook dinner, i knew i had to do laundry because the McDonald household was down to scary jeans (ya know, the ones that should be thrown away but you keep them for when you have no other clean pants?) and I just felt blah. I whiffed a serve (which is like what a 3 year old does learning to play tennis) and then when we were leaving guess who walked in? One of the ladies that had interviewed me for the grad school program.

All week I have just been feeling "not enough"

not skinny enough.
not smart enough.
not fast enough.
not a good enough cook.
not a good enough wife.
not a good enough Christian.


and ya know what?

driving home last night in the dark, those song lyrics came on again; telling me it is all part of the master plan. which is true and a good reminder.

but ya know what?
they aren't exactly so reassuring and easy to believe.

i think that's okay. i think He understands that sometimes it takes more than just telling yourself it will all be okay.  right when my car was heading to DQ to get a blizzard (because clearly THAT would make me feel better), this song came on:

when i lose my way

and i forget my name

remind me who i am

in the mirror all i see

is who i don't wanna be

remind me who i am

in the loneliest places

when i can't remember what grace is

tell me, once again

who I am to You, who I am to You

Tell me, lest I forget

Who I am to You, that I belong to You

i mean seriously.

all evening I felt like I was chanting in my head.

I got home, looked at the kitchen sink and started to get that ugh feeling again about how bad of a housewife I am.

"tell me when I forget, who I am to you"

whoops. forgot to dethaw the chicken. plan B for dinner"

"tell me when I forget, who I am to you"


I seriously felt like I had to tell that to every situation that was trying to bombard me with "NOT GOOD ENOUGH LINDSAY!" and boy there are a lot of them. Even sitting down with the Pottery Barn catalog can make you feel like a mega non-crafty loser ;)

just a little something that has helped me this week :)

ohh and these sunrises that I have snapped from the mornings this week. seriously. how can monday tuesday and wednesday all be so different yet so pretty?

well duh. God made them like that. He made us like that too ;)